Shame, Self Worthiness and Self Esteem Issues

Shame erodes one's sense of self and damages their self worth. Shame causes us to reject parts of ourselves and so we become fragmented. Only showing the parts we deem as “acceptable” all the while secretly keeping ourselves small, hidden and isolated through self judgment, criticism and perfectionism.  Making it hard to see our value or even accept we are lovable as we are.

Dr. Gershen Kaufman wrote “like a wound made from the inside of an unseen hand, shame disrupts the natural functioning of the self.  If we are to understand and eventually heal what ails the self, then we must begin with shame.” By understanding how shame impacts your self worth including your narratives about who you are in the world, you can begin to untangle yourself from the stories of “not enoughness” and self denigration.  Unhealed shame can cause one to struggle with perfectionism, minimization, avoidance, projection, among other behaviors and coping mechanisms to cover up the pain shame brings to the self.

Patti Ashley, PhD, LPC writes “Core shame erodes the ability to recognize what Donald Winnicott (1986) labeled the true self, or the essence of what one had been born to be. Instead, a false self emerges, and in an attempt to feel lovable, one creates stories about themselves based on what others have suggested they become, or they develop faulty mechanisms. That is, the false self develops based on what others want.” 

When you heal the underlying shame you carry, you allow yourself to develop in a way that feels more authentic, empowered, and sustainable.  You also restore your self worth, increase your self esteem and confidence in yourself, experience more self compassion, and become more accepting of who you are at your core.  You move from trying to fix yourself to be better, to understanding that you’re always doing the best you can and accepting that is always enough. You understand at your core you are enough, lovable and worthy, because you are you.

For Questions or Scheduling:

hello@amandajpbrown.com or 602.717.7316