How to Communicate when Things get Rough
"We don’t always talk about things that happened, so they become the Elephant in the Room."
This was the sentence I started with when I wrote my most recent email to the women of Beautiful Knockout letting them know things have and are changing at Beautiful Knockout.
You see, I started my business in 2012 and in its infancy I was focused on “health and fitness’ but something was missing…. I wasn’t the Health and Fitness Person I was showing up as. While I enjoy health and fitness, it isn’t what I wanted to be doing for the rest of my life.
Something felt off….. something felt inauthentic….. I wasn’t fully owning who I was or showing up as my true self.
I took a step back and this created inconsistency in my business. I was trying to honor what I created and also own what I was becoming. However, I wasn’t talking about what happened, I just moved forward without acknowledging any of this. It seemed okay, people told me it was, and yet by not addressing what changed or what happened, I was not honoring myself, my business or the women of Beautiful Knockout.
Some of them unsubscribed and I initially felt bad and was asking myself why. I took some of it personal especially when it was people I knew. However, this feeling was only temporary. There was a part of me that already knew - where I was headed wasn’t for everyone.
So why share this with you now?
Well, I have seen this pattern pop up time and time again in relationships, families, and businesses. When we don’t address things or talk about them, they become the Elephant in the Room. People see them but nobody says anything about what they see or how it makes them feel.
For years, I was a trauma therapist working with young children and families. Often times parents didn’t want to talk about things that happened in their homes with their children. Many times it was because they didn’t know what to say, they were afraid of what questions their children might ask, and/or they didn’t want to think about, re-live or acknowledge the thing that happened because of how it made them feel.
Many of us do not learn how to talk about uncomfortable situations, as they make us feel vulnerable, weak, exposed and even sometimes powerless.
So we do what we were unintentionally (or intentionally) taught - we ignore it, try to move on, forget about it, and even pretend like it never happened at all. In doing these things, other things happen in our lives and relationships like disconnections, misunderstandings, miscommunications, confusion, anger, fear-based living, distrust, dishonesty, aggression and even victimization.
Now, I’m not saying that not talking about my business evolution as it happened, is the same as a traumatic experience in someone’s life. What I am saying is that it can evoke some of the same feelings - like distrust, miscommunications, disconnections, confusion and misunderstandings. And because I recognize the parallels between these two very different things, I knew I had to address it in order to be able to move forward with the women of Beautiful Knockout.
Through my acknowledgment, I am:
- Reestablishing trust by communicating what happened and what can be expected moving forward.
- Clearing up confusion
- Answering questions people may have been wondering about
- Giving freedom to those who want to walk away but aren’t sure
- Creating connections based on honesty
The truth is we have to be able to talk about the things that happen in our lives, especially when they are uncomfortable and evoke a lot of emotion within us. Yes it is uncomfortable, no it isn’t always going to go the way you expect (and that can be a good thing) but above all you will feel liberated, connected to yourself and have restored faith in your ability to speak your truth and honor what you feel.
If this is something you want to do more of in your life and/or you could use a little more support around how to do this for yourself, then sign up below to receive weekly emails from me about how you can Live Life on Your Terms, Be More Confident in and Comfortable with Who You Already Are, Speak Your Truth, Stand Tall, Own Your Power and Brave Beyond what you know.