Life on the Other Side of Divorce
I have to admit, I never thought I would get divorced.
In fact, I never wanted to and remember telling my ex-husband Richard before we go married that I was only doing this once and it was truly death do us part for me. However that wasn’t the case…..
I had this belief growing up that marriage was forever and I didn’t want to be like my parents. I didn’t want to be divorced. I was looking for the fairytale ending. However that isn’t what I got with Richard.
My marriage to Richard was hard. It was a challenge even before it started and in fact as I look back, my relationship with him was built on the foundation of lies and dishonesty. You see, when I met him I was in a vulnerable place and struggling with my self confidence. I was also heartbroken from the ending of my relationship with Nick, the man I truly thought was my soulmate and would spend the rest of my life with.
The foundations of lies and dishonesty weren’t just on my end, I didn’t know it but when I met Richard he was already married and told me he was getting divorced which he did, but that was a sign I didn’t heed. I looked past it, I figured something was wrong with her and due to my vulnerability and naive understanding of relationships believed every word he said.
We married about two and half years after we met, and were separated 6 weeks before our 5 year wedding anniversary. I never thought I would file for divorce or have to default him, but I did. Our relationship was beyond toxic – fighting, cheating, alcohol abuse, emotional and psychological abuse, and it was headed in the direction of physical abuse when I left.
I was giving up pieces of myself and compromising who I was in order to make the relationship work.
I was miserable in the relationship, uncertain about myself and my life. I had no idea how I would make it on one income or if anyone would ever want to be with me again, but I couldn’t live like I had been any longer. It was taking every bit of energy I could muster up to stay with him and I was ignoring all the signs that he wasn’t good for me because I had this belief that somehow I was damaged and no one else would want me. But through it all I knew in my heart of hearts, deep within myself, I deserved better.
Leaving Richard was the best decision I could’ve made for myself and it is also one of my proudest moments and it shaped my life in ways I never knew possible. Without Richard in my life, while hard through the adjustment period, I was free to be me, something I had lost connection with. Once I left him, I was able to see that,
I was giving away pieces of myself to make something work that wasn’t. It allowed me to gain confidence in myself (even just a little) and believe that I was worth more than being treated poorly.
It help me see that I was worthy of more than I was allowing in my life.
Giving up almost everything about myself actually was the catalyst to reclaiming those pieces of myself.
It took me a many years to work through the shit but I did. And now I’m more confident in and comfortable with myself than I have ever been.
We don’t always know what will happen in life however we have a choice, stay miserable or follow our joy. Life on the other side of divorce isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, life on the other side of divorce has helped me gain new understandings of myself, what I want and do not want in a relationship and partner, and even restored trust in myself.
Life on the other side of divorce has given me a new perspective, understanding and respect for people who chose to leave relationships that aren’t working for them. It’s taught me about the importance of honoring and being honest with ourselves because we all deserve to be treated with dignity, respect and love.
We all deserve to experience joy and happiness.
We all deserve to feel empowered, connected, confident and comfortable within the relationships we choose to be in.
If you’ve been re-evaluating some choices in your life whether it is with a significant other or something else, know that there is life beyond what you know now and that you are brave enough and even strong enough to get through it. Yes it will be hard. Yes there is an adjustment period. Yes you might even second guess yourself. And yet as you stay committed to honoring yourself by choosing joy over pain, you will get to life on the other side.
For me I should add that I’m pretty dang proud that I didn’t just divorce Richard, I chose to work through my shit, own it and allow it to empower me. Then I wrote a freaking book sharing my story, my journey and created a blueprint for other women, just like you, walking their own journey and looking to live life on the other side.
There is life on the other side and you deserve to find out just how wonderful and joyful it can be!
