3 Books That Changed My Life
For the longest time, I stopped reading. I spent so many years in college reading that I was literally burnt out. I didn't care what it was I didn't want to read shit. In fact, growing up I was always a slow reader and would find myself getting lost in what I read. I would daydream through the words and then have to re-read what I just spent who knows how long reading. It was a vicious cycle, my little love hate relationship with reading.
However in 2012, I signed up for a coaching program to get healthier, lose weight and compete in a bikini competition. Little did I know, when I was selected by my coach to participate in a Mind, Body, Business Program she was launching, I would read more than 12 books that year. Reading became a new passion, something I had enjoyed, something I craved and something that felt good.
I can't really explain where the shift came from but I gather it came from deep within me. There was a readiness to grow, learn and release. I felt alone in many ways and I was disconnected from myself but I had no idea of this. I was so good at blending in and being what others wanted, I had also fooled myself.
When we are ready the teacher will appear.
I was ready, and my journey within started when I picked up reading again. Not for educational purposes, but for exploration purposes. To learn about myself so I could grow and become truly confident in and comfortable with myself.
One of the first books I read was "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. It helped revolutionize my thinking with 4 simple agreements that we make. It triggered me and got me thinking about how I had falling into the traps of socialization and been stuck in a victim cycle. It opened my eyes by allowing me to see from a new perspective. There was a new possibility with these four agreements which would ultimately bring me closer to finding Joy, Confidence, Connection and Comfortability with who I was.
I underlined something on almost every page and four of the most important pieces I got from this book were:
- "We Pretend to be what we aren't because we are afraid to be rejected." OMG - crack me wide open, I was pretending in so many ways out of one of my fears - rejection.
- "We Rebel because we are defending our freedom." Hell YES! I struggled being told what to do or how things were, I questioned things and rebelled in some pretty extreme ways.
- People Poison us to be miserable with them. (My comment in the column on page 38) - Whoa - if this means they can poison us, then vice versa is also true. This sparked my curiosity - what have I been poisoned to believe and how am I engaging in the poisoning.
- "If you Honor Your Body, Everything will change." - DANG, is it really that simple, yes but learning to honor yourself is a practice that we have to engage in everyday. It's part of loving ourselves and accepting our past and current situation. Once we move into honoring, things shift, they can't help but to shift.
This book was just the beginning of my unbecoming which was significantly supported by my reading of "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown. When I was first exposed to this book, I thought "Oh My Goodness you mean there is actually gifts in being imperfect and wait... I don't have to be fucking perfect!!!" My interest was sparked and I jumped in with both feet as I began reading this book.
Not only did I underline something on almost every page, I upped the stakes by writing in the margins - my thoughts, stories and questions. The four major things I took away from this book were:
- “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we will ever do.” These were the first words written by Brene Brown and I was hooked the moment I read them because I knew deep in my heart I had been disowning pieces of myself out of shame and I was ready to reclaim them. In fact, I was so ready I wrote this at the end of the preface “Hmm, excited to read this book. I have undergone a lot of change over the past 18 months and appreciate every one and my journey continues. I have a lot to learn to move in the direction of owning my story and really loving myself.”
- “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it….. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” HOLY SHIT! Boom that hit me deep and I immediately wrote in response “WOW!!! I am so struck by this. I am still working on owning my story. The past section really helped me see how everything I have done to this point has helped me and also set up where I am going and how I can be different. I bring a unique perspective. I am going to fully embrace it (well work on fully embracing it.)."
- “You must first be who you really are, then do what you really need to do, in order to have what you really want.” Margaret Young Quote beginning of Guidepost #1. What a shift in perspective "be who you really are first" What does this even mean? How can I be authentic when I’ve been hiding so long? Then Brene wrote “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” In the margins, I wrote “Wisdom, Strength, and Independence, It is all making sense. I got my dragon tattoo after my breakup, because I didn't want to be afraid of being the REAL TRUE me, I wanted to remember my wisdom, that I have strength and independence is a challenge” and I would add now a choice we make every day.
- “Overcoming Self-doubt is all about believing we’re enough and letting go of what the world says we’re supposed to be and supposed to call ourselves.” Hold Up! I can be whatever I believe I’m supposed to be… I proceeded to write: “I like this. I am a social worker, therapist, lifestyle coach, motivator, and trainer.” I came to realize that I am so much more than the label that was being put on me by myself or someone else.
These realizations and new understandings started to awaken me even more and brought new words into my vocabulary that weren’t fully there before. I was beginning to understand the power of they had within me. There is incredible power in words and I was beginning to uncover more about myself which drove me further into my exploration.
This brought me to the third book that changed my perceptions which was “The Courage to Be Yourself” by Sue Patton Thoele. In addition to underlining pages and important messages, writing in the margins, I leveled up again when I started doing the activities. Journaling had been awoken within this book and deeper into myself I went.
The Four major messages from this book for me were:
- “Sharing our journey with other women can uphold and sustain us as we find the courage to be uniquely ourselves and realize that emotional strength and self-esteem are, in fact, our birthright, our privilege and our responsibility.” By the time I got to this book and read this I was coming to terms with the need to share my story and found a new understanding in the impact it can have on other women. Our stories of struggle and how we overcame them inspires hope in others and it also helps us heal as a collective. It lets us cultivate a connection, a togetherness as you will, which helps us feel understood and supported.
- Sue wrote “I have been honored to walk with many women who as they courageously tamed their dragons and surmounted obstacles and traumas that had once nearly destroyed their faith in themselves.” I wondered... Is she literally in my brain? Did she write this book for me? Then I wrote “This was not only experienced in my years of drug use but also my relationship with my ex-husband." I had lost faith in myself at one point in my life and now I was seeing that it was possible to get it back. I could restore what I thought I lost and built it even stronger, as long as I was willing to do the work.
- “My problem is that I forget what I know.” Esther Heffron Johnson quote at the beginning of chapter four. I immediately wrote “Intrinsically we know what we need but somehow we become separated and disconnected from ourselves.” This was confirmation that I knew what I needed but had become scared and disconnected. I lacked trust in myself, but there was a way back and with personal exploration I could find it. I found hope in this part of the book.
- “Fearful secrets separate us from people….. Honestly and gently acknowledging our feelings and beliefs breaks the isolation and loneliness we live in.” I didn’t write much but in this moment I knew that I had to do this. I had to start speaking my truth and in that I must honor my experiences, feelings and stories. I did write “Honoring is a form of acknowledgement.” Acknowledging what has happened to us or how we perceived what happened to us allows us to be free of the shame and fear that is gripping us. It take courage to be ourselves but at the end of the day, we are worth just that, freedom to be ourselves as we truly as loving and accepting ourselves in all ways.
These three books provide me solid foundation to build upon by opening me up and giving me space to explore the thing that were getting in my way and hope to know things could change. It’s a practice, something that we wake up everyday and choose to do. And as I wrote this I realize that these were also instrumental in me developing my personal beliefs about what it takes to be my own HERO and I believe you can be your own HERO too! Which is why I wrote "You're Brave Enough: 8 Daily Practices to Be Your Own HERO"
